Not So Fireproof on the Inside
by Ncham9
Summary: Stoick had taught Hiccup everything he knew about being a man before he passed. Unfortunately, he'd also taught him the wrong way to grieve the loss of a family member. In universe, after the second movie. Some Hiccstridity, but not the main focus. Cover graciously provided by aty-s-behsam on DeviantArt.
1. Inroduction

_**Not So Fireproof on the Inside**_

Chapter 1 _Introduction_

 **A/N: Such is the result of me not being able to sleep :/ Mature content and language ahead.**

Hiccup missed his father. Not a day went by that he didn't think of the gargantuan man that governed his life for twenty years. He wasn't the most understanding of parents and they weren't always on the best of terms, but he never once questioned his love for the viking who raised him.

Stoick the Vast had earned the respect of an innumerable amount of people in his lifetime, as is the nature of being a chief, especially one as great as he, but none held more admiration for him than his son. The burly chieftain had raised him by himself, even while in the throes of grief, and while his methods were far from perfect, Stoick had doubtlessly made Hiccup into the man he was. When he lost his father though, he couldn't help but feel that he had also lost a large part of himself.

All of his life, he'd wanted to be exactly like his father. Stoick was, intrepid and heroic, the perfect role-model for an aspiring, young ward. He'd been a shining example of all that a viking could be and the embodiment of everything he wished he was. Not much had changed of that, actually.

Hiccup didn't have much time to think on it, however. Now, almost all of his brainpower was being appropriated to his newfound chiefly duties. He'd never understood how his dad took to the responsibilities with such grace. His leadership was never questioned and his word was understood as law, but he was still loved by his people. He managed a seemingly impossible balance of authority and benevolence, one the new head of state couldn't even begin to replicate. In fact, the only thing he'd gotten done since assuming control of the island was beginning a statue of Stoick, to which, no one dared object.

The primary concern of the young chief since starting his reign was restoring the village. Drago (Hiccup seethed even now at the thought of the man) had destroyed much of the developed part of the island in his siege. His Bewilderbeast had left mountainous spires of ice in its wake, all of which needed to be cleared before reconstruction could take place. That logistical problem in itself caused a headache greater than any that could be subsided with any earthly amount of mead.

On top of that, he had to shelter the masses of people who were now without houses, set about securing the island to whatever degree was feasible to keep even just a few boats of miscreants from taking the whole village by storm, _and_ figure out something to do with the ridiculous amount of dragons that now inhabited Berk. Yes, his life had gotten significantly more difficult.

It was difficult being accountable for the hundreds of people of his small nation when he hadn't even been given time to mourn the loss of Stoick's passing. He trembled as he remembered the still, dark night that was set ablaze with the light of his father's funeral ship. He'd loosed the first arrow himself and his friends had done the same soon after. It infuriated him that the war-time ceremony had not been befitting of a man as prodigious as he. Hiccup would rather have had the chief be entombed in a burial ship. It would have kept him closer, rather than sending his ashes to the bottom of the sea. Stoick deserved to be laid to rest in his homeland, not the strange waters of an island turned battlefield. Hiccup's only comfort was that his father was guaranteed a place in the hall of heroes. After all he'd done, not even Odin himself could deny him that much.

He felt cheated, though. For some reason, the gods had decided that he was only allowed one parent and they ensured that his world stayed that way. He had just seen his father truly happy for the first time in possibly his whole life, but then the man was gone. He'd only had both his mom and his dad in his life for a few, measly hours before one was taken away from him. And worse yet, it was carried out by his best friend.

Hiccup knew it wasn't Toothless' fault. He knew that the dragon had no will in the matter. That wasn't enough to stop his initial resentment. How could he not be angry at someone? Toothless seemed like the most tangible answer for that moment, but he realized quickly that he couldn't blame the Night Fury and instead turned his hatred on Drago. He still despised that monster of a person, but he wasn't the only one he'd come to loathe. He hated himself too. He should have listened to Stoick. He should have taken his advice for once. Instead, his stubbornness had cost him one of the lives he held most dear. He could still hear his father's warning echoing through his ears.

 _A chief protects his own._

Hiccup blinked himself out of his thoughts. He had no time for bitter reveries.

"-so, because of this, I think the first house to be rebuilt should be mine" a gravelly, thickly accented voice said.

Hiccup shook his head to refocus himself. His eyes took in the interior of the Great Hall, the large chamber bustling with a multitude of people. Spitelout was addressing him, but he hadn't been listening. The young man groaned as he dragged his hand down his face.

"Wait…what're you talking about again?" he asked drowsily. The Jorgenson patriarch furrowed his eyebrows in unhidden annoyance.

"Reconstruction priorities. I was saying that my hall would be the most advantageous place to begin" his uncle repeated coarsely, clearly finding some slight in Hiccup's inattention.

"And this is a completely unbiased opinion that has absolutely nothing to do with personal gain?" the chief asked, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.

Spitelout calmly replied, "I can't deny that it benefits me, but…". He faltered in his argument for a moment before continuing, "With my son being the second best dragon rider, it'd make the village safer if he was able to get a proper night's rest".

Hiccup huffed a laugh to himself that held no humor. If Snotlout flew Hookfang all day, every day, for the rest of their lives, he wouldn't even come close to second best. Besides, Astrid and Stormfly were practically doing that already.

The other inhabitants of the hall must have been eavesdropping on the conversation as other voices soon mixed themselves into it, making demands and pleas for their own homes. It seemed that every building on Berk had some strategic advantage that made it the optimal first choice. The droning, garbled sounds that rose from the gathering grated agonizingly inside Hiccup's head.

"Guys…" he groaned pitifully, but his anguish went unheard. The shouts grew more chaotic and heated as the Vikings, as aggressive as they were, took to arguing with each other.

"Guys…" he repeated, but the roars had escalated to bouts of swearing and insults. He tried again, only for his voice to be over-ridden once more as the arguments adopted threats of violence. A shoving match erupted in the center, slowly spreading throughout the assembly as more and more people involved themselves. As soon as the first punch was thrown and the cacophony of war cries sounded, Hiccup's brain no longer cared for diplomacy in the interest of saving itself from his suffering.

He stood up sharply, the wooden legs of his chair grinding against the gritty floor.

"Would everyone please just…" he started, raising his voice, but the relative squeak of it went unheard amongst the uproar. His jaw tightened painfully and his brow furrowed angrily at being ignored. He bellowed, "…SHUT THE FUCK UP!".

His harsh howl carried through the hall, bouncing off of the carved stone walls. Everyone halted in place, some even with their fists still cocked in the air. They all stared at him, mouths agape and eyes wide in astonishment at the sight of the fuming lad with a furious, red tinge to his face and pulsing veins popping out of his neck. His chest heaved with each irate breath and his blood boiled.

He'd had enough of these self-important, impatient reprobates. Growling to himself in some colorful language, Hiccup stormed out of the hall, paying no mind to those whom he had to shoulder past in order to leave, Toothless bounding after him. Whispers followed him through the massive double doors, but those who perpetuated them could jump off of a cliff for all he cared.

* * *

The chief burst into his home late in the evening, one of the few still standing, his black dragon crawling through the threshold with him. His foul mood radiated off of him as he sat down at the wooden, kitchen table, near the hearth. He laid his head down roughly with a thud.

Toothless curled around his friend and tried to soothe him by cooing gently from the floor. He offered his head to be pet, should the boy wish to.

Valka had cautiously watched them come inside. As his mother, there were no aspects of Hiccup's feelings that could be hidden from her, but at the moment, he wasn't making much of an effort. He was a grown man, however; a result of her time away from Berk and still a hard fact for her to accept. She resisted the urge to coddle him by occupying herself with stirring the boiling pot of stew in front of her. She probably should have been doing that anyway, considering that it was well inside the realm of possibility for her cooking to be set ablaze. But as it was, the house smelled good and such boded well.

Like the broth inside the cauldron, Hiccup simmered, and did so for a considerable amount of time. The only noises he made were the occasional frustrated sighs that escaped him as he pulled at the russet brown hair on the back of his head. It tested the older woman's resolve.

"Everything alright, dear?" she asked softly. He jumped ever so slightly as she had apparently ripped him from his contemplative bubble. He looked up at her with tired eyes.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah…I'm fine" he responded simply. He was a fair bit surprised when she suddenly spoke up. Truthfully, her whole presence in the hall still struck him as odd. It wasn't something he'd tell her, but it was altogether not very baffling a thought, considering that almost all of his life, she hadn't been there. He didn't hold it against her; it just felt weird to him.

"Hiccup…" she sighed disbelievingly. She took the stew off of the fire to cool and wiped her hands on her tunic. Her boy watched her wearily, his face sullen and bearing an unkempt bit of reddish shadowing. She sat at the table across from him. Her hand reached out to touch and she hesitated for a moment, unsure of the boundaries of their new relationship, but she ventured to rest it on his arm. He looked down at it and then back to her, a subtle amount of appreciation peeking through his discontentedness.

He covered her hand in his, bolstering her to talk more. Even with his snappy mood of late, he still held a soft spot for select people.

"I can tell ya miss him…" the woman spoke carefully. She was treading lightly as to not upset him more. He averted his eyes into the table, ashamed that he was jeopardizing the wellbeing of the tribe out of his own sorrow so obviously that even his mother knew. Valka would have none of this. She reached out with her other limb and lifted his chin up to face her. "…and it's nothing t'be ashamed of. Ya 've lost someone ya love. That's something no one can fault ya for being upset about" she added. He leaned into her touch briefly, seeking the comfort that only his mother could give him for the moment, but he eventually shied away from it.

"It's not about…Dad" he corrected, the words pained and thick in his throat as he talked. She raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. "Well…not _just_ that" he amended, "It's…he tried so hard to prepare me for this. I was reading before any of my friends, learning about laws and regulations while they played, studying treaties through all of my life to be ready for being chief, but…I mean look at me! I'm not a chief. I was never going to be. Anyone else on this island would fit the job better and the gods know they could all take it from me if they wanted to. How am I supposed to be the strong, fearless leader everyone is expecting when I'm the weakest thing to ever walk on Berk?". Valka waited patiently for him to finish his ranting. She figured that he'd probably been interrupted enough for one day.

"And do ya think everyone believed in yer father because he was strong?"

"Well he was, wasn't he?" he shot back defensively.

"Aye; that he was, the strongest on the island, but was that the most important thing about him?" she returned, her calm demeanor making him look sheepish for his petulance.

"But no one _ever_ questioned him. They all listened to his every command."

"That's true as well. Everyone followed his orders t' the letter, everyone except _you_ " she answered, pointedly making eye contact. Hiccup saw her point but refused to acknowledge it.

"Right, so I'm a terrible leader and a reckless son" he puffed sarcastically.

"And going after Toothless? Was that reckless?" she challenged. The reptile in question perked up at his name and looked questioningly at his human, like he had been listening to every word they'd said.

"What would you call giving a scared, cornered predator the means to kill you?" he asked rhetorically. Hiccup's hand fell down to scratch the dragon's scaly skin, reassuring the beast who warbled contentedly, so as to show that he meant nothing by his comment. Contented, Toothless put his head back down onto his paws.

"Brave"

"What?" her son asked incredulously.

"Brave" she repeated, "It was brave of ya t' take that risk instead of doing the easy thing. Ya saved him. Tha' took courage and he rewarded ya". The Night Fury, without even opening his eyes, nudged against his rider's leg, showing once again that he was listening and that he agreed.

"It's not brave if I couldn't do it. It wasn't a choice. I couldn't have hurt him if I wanted to. In fact, I was _trying_ to" he retorted, growing annoyed by what seemed to him to be a rose-colored view of the past. Looking back on it, obviously he would never have harmed his best friend, but before he knew the dragon, all that he wanted in the whole of Midgard was to mount his fire-breathing head on a stake. He was glad that he didn't, but it was still yet another example of his weakness.

Valka sighed again as she realized that the conversation would go back and forth forever. She took her hand back from her son's arm.

"Hiccup, nothing is going t' convince ya if ya don't want to believe it yerself" she said simply, standing up from the table and returning to the pot of food that must have cooled by this point through the talk. As she hoisted the cauldron onto the table, Hiccup made to reply, but was cut off by the door bursting open again and a hurried blonde stepping in. "Ah, evening, Astrid. Come t' join us fer supper?" the matriarch asked pleasantly, switching very eagerly from her serious tone.

"Good evening Mrs. Haddock. I just need to talk to your son" the girl greeted cordially through heavy breathing. She was red in the face and gulping for air, evidently having run to the household.

"Just Valka, dear; or Mom if ya like" the older woman corrected, winking upon the last part of her sentence. It brought a smile to her future daughter-in-law's lips for a moment, but it quickly disappeared when she looked to her intended. Hiccup examined her warily. She quickly dashed to his side at the table, taking a moment to rub Toothless' snout in passing to appease him. She took a moment to recover her breath before glaring at her fiancé.

"What's this I hear about the chief shouting and stomping out in the middle of a village meeting?" she chided.

"Please don't call me that"

"Well, you are…"

"Astrid…please" he pleaded pitifully.

The two shared a telling glance for a moment. Astrid was more than aware of his difficulties with the role and fulfilling the expectations entailed in it. She knew better than anyone else, having spent many a night offering her embrace as consolation. She looked at him sympathetically and relented. Her hand found its way to intertwine with his and he held her tightly, as if he was afraid of losing her.

"Can you tell me what happened?" she questioned softly. He took a deep, exhausted breath and raised their tangled hand to his mouth to kiss her knuckles lightly.

"Just…just the usual stuff" he admitted reservedly. He knew that it told her far more than what he'd actually said, though. Most of the time, she knew what he was thinking even before he said it. She'd had that power over him for a long time by then. She rubbed her thumb against his skin to show her understanding.

Valka quietly observed the two from afar. He'd done well for himself, her boy. She was happy that Hiccup had found a girl who saw him so completely through the all of the facades he put up. She'd make a good mother too.

Astrid leaned into him to whisper in his ear, far too quiet for the woman standing some good feet away to hear. Hiccup responded with a curt nod and the pair stood up.

"Mom, I'll be back later" her son declared nonchalantly, never breaking his hold on his treasured girl.

"Okay, dear"

"Sorry about dinner" he added apologetically. He knew that any cooking at all was no small task for the woman of rusty household skills.

"Oh, don't ya worry about it. I'll get Gobber t' eat some of this up. Just…keep yer wits about ya". She had a small degree of satisfaction in making him blush at her implications, as was her right as his mother. It was laced with a serious piece of advice, though. The last thing he needed to add to his stress would be… _problems_ with Astrid.

 **A/N: For those of you hoping for a new chapter of TVoL or Fleeting Touches, sorry, but this is what is coming out of my brain at the moment, so this is what is being posted. If that's a problem, once again I'm sorry, but you should take it up with management. This idea has been in my brain for far too long and I needed it to leave. Chapter 7 of Fleeting Touches is very important and includes some things that I don't have an awful lot of experience writing, so I asked one of my best friends to beta read it. Chapter 25 of TVoL is just giving me a lot of trouble and until I figure out the direction it's going to go, typing anything is fruitless and not fun for me, so I won't do it. That's why it's taking so long.**

 **Anyway, please tell me what you think of this new story concept. I'd love to hear your thoughts. :)**

 **-Nick (ncham9)**


	2. Staring at Stjörnu

_**Not So Fireproof on the Inside**_

Chapter 2 _Staring at_ _Stjörnu_

Hiccup could feel the wind whipping past his leather mask at a blinding speed. He could hardly hear over the roar of it and could barely see through the stinging in his eyes. The sensory deprivation offered him none of its usual comfort.

With a flick of their respective prosthetics, he and Toothless levelled out of their dive and rose back up to the blue Nadder's altitude. Astrid couldn't see her promised's face, but she could tell that it still wouldn't have been smiling. There were few things in the world if any that brought him as much happiness as flying with his best friend, and so if this sourness persisted through that much, she was at a loss for what to do.

Through the dark of the night, she spotted a small island far below, steadfast in the churning sea. She urged Stormfly closer to her fiancé and, having gained his attention, she pointed downward to the landmass. He simply nodded and they began their descent.

Astrid dismounted Stormfly and planted her feet in the sandy beach below her. They were alone on the island, with no part of themselves that needed hiding. She looked purposefully at Hiccup and he soon jumped off of his friend's back. After some scratches under Toothless' chin, Hiccup sent the reptile off to play with his Nadder buddy while their humans talked.

Astrid sat in the fine powder and beckoned her husband-to-be closer. He complied willing and when he too collapsed onto the sand, she moved behind him, his back pressed to her chest. She wrapped herself around his abdomen, one of the few places she could actually feel him without leather riding armor in the way. She rested her chin on his shoulder and simply blew air in and out with him for a few moments, savoring their proximity.

"Hey, babe…" she sighed contentedly after breathing him in slowly. His hand grazed her forearms.

"Hi, Astrid…" he answered, though he didn't convey the same amount of satisfaction she did. It stung her that he'd been so depressed for the past couple of months. If she left him to his own devices, he'd keep it all to himself, possibly trying to save her from his troubles, but she wouldn't allow that. That's not what their relationship was about.

"So what was different about today that made you snap?" she asked tenderly, squeezing him a little tighter as a measure of keeping him calm. He tensed; she felt it through her fingers.

"Nothing really, it was the same brand of failure that it always is," he laughed, a bitter, dry sound. She pinched him in the stomach for it. He craned his neck to look at her in the corner of his eye and said, "Tell me that I'm wrong." He knew she wouldn't, as it would mean another pointless, circular argument where he would never admit that situation was anything less than a curse.

Instead, she smiled sweetly and kissed the cheek he'd flatly presented her, disarming him entirely. He sighed yet again, still disappointed in himself for taking out his frustrations on his loved ones. He began once more, but this time more evenly, "Astrid, I have no idea what I'm going to do".

"I'd start with trying not to throw temper tantrums at meetings," she reproached him satirically. He didn't turn around again, lest he be kissed another time and lose what little conviction was left in his speech.

"I'm serious. I really don't think I can keep this up any longer…" he replied despondently. He sounded more and more defeated with every passing second.

"Sure you can. You handled Snot, Fishlegs, the twins, and I pretty well for a while," she suggested confidently.

"You know that's not the same. Not to mention that you and Fish were the only ones who ever listened," he said, growing frustrated by the end of the sentence, his words turning into a pessimistic grumble.

Once again reassuring him, Astrid nuzzled her face into his neck. He leaned into her touch appreciatively and sighed. "How am I supposed to manage a whole tribe when I can't even convince half of my five best friends to do anything?" he asked.

She didn't have an answer for him, even though it was probably a rhetorical question. She couldn't think of anything that he was doing wrong or any departments in which he was lacking as a leader. True, her view of the boy was a bit biased, but even objectively she couldn't begin to help him. She didn't know anything about being a chief or what it was like aside from the way Hiccup dreaded the thought of it. She could only offer advice based on the single example she had, the one whose shadow he felt as though he was living under.

"Hiccup…" she called him, coaxing him to look up at her so she could see those deep, verdant eyes of his which she always found enchanting. They seemed distressed. Delicately, she told him, "You can't keep comparing yourself to him. You're not the same person and you were never going to be the same kind of chief."

"Well, if you know what kind of chief I'm going to be, for the love of Thor tell me," he grumbled sarcastically. He stared off to the horizon contemplatively.

Astrid followed his gaze and couldn't help but notice how clear the stars in the sky were to her without the torches and bonfires of Berk. Some she'd learned of, like the North Star, but most were a beautiful mystery to her, humble little things that shined brilliantly, even without being given names. She took her hand off her intended's chest to point at a group of them.

"You see those three stars up there that are kinda in a line?" she said, drawing his attention to the cluster of lights. Hiccup nodded, his interest piqued ever so slightly by the girl. Tracing a figure out of the dots with her finger, she continued, "That's Stjörnu. Those three are his belt. That one and the big orange one are his shoulders. He's holding his sword above his head and his shield in front of him **(1)** ". With every sentence, she outlined parts of this silhouette until she drew out a whole figure in the sky. Hiccup payed attention, but retained his skepticism.

"Well, Stjörnu was a chief among the stars," she added. Now he understood where she was going with this.

"Astrid…" he chided her, but he never got to finish his sentence.

"Just shut up and listen," she returned sharply, drawing her hand back to beat his sternum. She hit him harder than usual so that he'd feel it through his armor. He rolled his eyes, but allowed her to keep going.

" _Anyway_ …" she began again, pointedly glaring at him. "Stjörnu was a chief. His people chose him to lead because he was their fiercest warrior in battle. United, they raided and plundered for many years and his people prospered. They were so good at raiding, in fact, that they eventually had taken everything from the surrounding lands and so, for the first time, they were both rich and at peace".

Hiccup wondered where she had gotten this legend from. Perhaps her mother had told her or maybe she'd read it somewhere. He followed along, if nothing else, out of admiration for her storytelling.

"But without war, Stjörnu had nothing. He was lost. Conquest was all he'd ever known and he had no idea what to do with a peaceful tribe. And soon, his people, who'd always lived by sacking homes and taking what they wanted, turned on themselves. Neighbor robbed neighbor and sons stole from fathers".

He relaxed into her as she talked, her softly spoken words doing their best to soothe his turbulent mind. The slightly damp sand beneath them was cool, a stark contrast to the heat her body was throwing. He found it hard to be upset in such a comforting environment.

"So, what do you think Stjörnu did?" she asked abruptly. Hiccup feigned a pensive hum as he stroked an imaginary beard.

"Let's see…cut his losses and killed everyone, because that's what he was good at?" he joked, smiling for the first time that day.

Astrid rolled her eyes, chuckling. "No, you muttonhead. He took his sword, grabbed his shield, and went to the heart of the village. At the top of his lungs, he yelled that because he was chief, all of their riches belonged to him and those who disagreed would have to fight him for their property".

Hiccup interrupted again, "Really nice guy…why are you telling me this?"

"Will you just be quiet for another minute? Odin's saggy left nut, were you always this impatient?"

He snorted at her colorful language and allowed her to continue once more. She took a big sigh before starting again.

"Obviously, no one was just going to _give_ him all their treasure, even if he was their best fighter. Because they knew that none of them would ever win a one on one fight with him, they came up with a plan. The whole tribe banded together, picked up their weapons, and attacked Stjörnu in the village square. Together, they defeated him without injury to any of them. But Stjörnu died happy that day, because his people were once again united, even if it was against him," she finished finally.

"So what you're saying is I should let everyone kill me? Yeah, I'll get right on that…" he replied sardonically.

"Once again, no…" she answered, sighing in frustration at the boy who was missing the point entirely. "I'm saying that the best leader doesn't have to be the strongest one, just the one that would give the most."

Hiccup had to admit, as cheesy as it was, he liked the story. He turned to look at his fiancé, seeing her smiling at him warmly.

"You just made that up didn't you?" he accused her playfully.

"Maybe…" she led on in return, "Was it good?"

"It was alright," he said, tilting his head back to capture Astrid's lips in a saccharine kiss. She yelped into his mouth at the sudden affection, but had no interest in stopping it. As their lips massaged each other, Hiccup shifts the rest of his body around to let her drag him to the sand on top of her. His hips nestled between her thighs and that felt like where they should have always been. He couldn't begin to describe the amount of closeness he felt to the girl beneath him as her ankles locked around his calves.

He pulled away from her, his arms supporting the weight of his body over her. He looked at his wife-to-be intently, taking in every detail of her: the way her bangs parted and fell around her face to frame it perfectly, her braid coming over her shoulder, no doubt with some sand in it by now, the definite, salacious bedroom-eyes she was giving him, and the way she bit her lip expectantly.

Annoyed with the distance, she pulled him to her roughly by his gambeson **(2)**. Their mouths crashed together again more intensely. She sucked and nibbled at his lower lip lightly, tearing a throaty moan from him. He leaned more and more weight onto her as she arched up into him, each body hungering for the other voraciously. A foreign hardness had long since been pressed against her belly. Eagerly her hand ventured southward along his body until her fingers reached the bulge, buried beneath far too many layers of leather.

Hiccup shivered at the meager touch and bucked against her hand unconsciously. Astrid opened her eyes to see his tightly screwed shut and a shy blush on his face, one she knew she bore as well. This was new territory for them, both fully adults now and anxious to explore the possibilities of that. On this far-off island in the dead of night, no one could think anything of the two and they were already engaged anyway.

Astrid decided to push her luck a little further. She reached for his belt and began fumbling with the buckle **(3).**

Hiccup gasped into her mouth, recoiling from the touch reflexively. He pulled back sharply from the kiss.

"Mmph…Astrid, what are you doing?" he whispered harshly. His eyes tracked from left to right, even though he knew there wasn't another person for miles. Far off past the tree line, he could hear the dragons romping through the forest, probably chasing some poor, small creature for sport. He looked back at his intended with wide, taken-aback eyes.

Astrid's face reddened bashfully at his reaction. "S-sorry…I just…I thought that…maybe you and I could…y'know…" she sputtered shyly. That was not at all the response she was hoping for. She looked away sheepishly.

"Astrid, I understand, but…"

"It's okay. Really, you don't have to explain yourself. I…we should've talked about it first…or something," she cut him off with a timid, embarrassed voice. He leaned back onto his heels and she sat up so she didn't feel as exposed and vulnerable.

"It's just after today…" he tried to clarify, but she seemed intent on not letting him speak.

"No, I get it. I'm not sure I'm ready either…" she interrupted, not letting him get a word in edgewise.

"Astrid!" he yelled, to fully get her attention. She absently blinked at him, finally realizing that she was babbling and flushing at her own humility. He chuckled to himself, much more softly, "I _love_ you. Of course I'm ready, just not tonight. I don't want to have to think about anything else but… _that,_ when we do".

The gravity of his words hit them both squarely in their chest as soon as he finished. Both stared at each other, their words frozen in their throats and eyes wide, one in panic and the other in surprise.

Hiccup sputtered as he looked at her, "D-uhh…umm…I-I, umm…". He wished he could say anything other than gibberish, but given the situation, he had no idea what he would have anyway. He'd said those weighty three in a spur of the moment, intending to reassure her, but that had no bearing on how much he actually meant them. He'd wanted to say that to her for years, long before they'd even started dating less than 12 months before **(4)**. He'd been holding it in for the right moment, not at all to help convince her _not_ to have sex with him. That he'd even suggested that was a bizarre concept.

She stared at him intently with a perplexing look to her. Eventually, her face twisted into something more annoyed, her forehead crinkling slightly and her brows lowered. True, it wasn't the reaction he expected, but anger was well inside the realm of possibilities with his betrothed.

"Hiccup…" she said in a low voice that nearly reduced him to one of the innumerable grains of sand on the beach they laid on. He swallowed hardly in anxious anticipation. She glared at him more, commanding him "Don't you ever say again that if you don't mean it". He blanched at first in response to the accusation, but reddened as he tried to think of an answer that wouldn't leave him feeling so emotionally exposed. He quickly realized, however, there was no such combination of words.

"Who…who says I don't mean it?" he asked hesitantly. Bearing his heart to her so completely took a weight off of his shoulders, something that had been eating away at him for the longest time, but also left him wrought with uneasiness at what she'd say next. She sucked in a breath at his response, before (and he figured that he should have been used to it by now) she yanked him by his clothing once more, voraciously attacking his mouth with hers. He whimpered into the affection, the simple contact taking on a whole new depth after his last few words.

She held him even harder than before, heaving him forward off of his heels to collapse on top of her again. He'd barely gotten his hands out in time to catch himself from falling all the way into her. Despite the aggression, not a fiber in his body dissented to her clutching him like this. He'd catch himself over and over again if it meant that she'd be the one to pull him off his feet.

"I love you…I love you so much" she murmured against his lips. He opened his eyes to see tears brimming in hers, joyous little droplets that she'd only ever let fall in front of him.

"I love you too" he repeated, returning to the kiss zealously. The soft, warm flesh around her mouth melded with his perfectly, seeming to draw him in even closer, compounded with the way she snaked her legs around his again.

They found themselves in the same position they'd been a few moments ago, the very stiffness that had been a problem before making its return against her abdomen. Hiccup could tell how much she wanted to go further, but something in the back of his mind told advised against it. He cursed that part of his brain.

He pulled out of the kiss and looked at his beloved apprehensively. She gave him a pleading, pitiful gaze that almost broke his will then and there.

"Come on! You can't just say that and then not… _finish the deed_ " she whined to him, begging him and adding a few gentle rolls of her hips against his just to try and win him over. She smirked victoriously when he bit his lip and looked to the heavens in a small bout of ecstasy, before glowering at her reproachfully.

"Would you rather I take it back?" he suggested jokingly. A confident smile overtook her mouth, one that had always suited her flawlessly, his confident Astrid with her unwavering bravery and fearlessness.

"You couldn't ever…" she whispered to him, like the intimate secret it was.

She was right about a lot of things that night, but most of all, _that_. That was his understanding of the words too, to care for the other person without doubt forever. He swore to himself that he'd uphold that definition.

 **A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed. Trust me, this is just the beginning of a wild adventure. Special thanks to PeppermintClouds for all of her help. She might as well co-write all of my stories for how much she works on them, even if she never takes any credit. Anyways, tell me what you think if you can. I'd love to hear what you think so far and where you think this is going, because I'm willing to bet that you guys have no idea ;).**

 **(1). If you know anything about constellations, this is actually Orion I'm referencing. The "big, orange" star is Betelgeuse. Just fyi. And Stjörnu means star in Icelandic. Always translate things like that to see how lazy I uncreative ;)**

 **(2). A gambeson is a medieval piece of clothing. It is very thick, usually made of leather or wool. It offers fairly good protection while being much lighter, easier to wear, and cheaper than chain mail, though it was often worn in combination with it. This is the closest thing I could think of to Hiccup's armor.**

 **(3). I just mentioned undoing a belt buckle here, but after looking at the armor from HTTYD 2, I am somewhat lost on the design of it. How in the hell did he get that thing on and off? It's like a big, leather jumpsuit with all the openings sewn shut.**

 **(4). I say that they have been dating for less than 12 months. The reasoning behind that is according to the wiki page, they are around eighteen or nineteen in Race to the Edge and still very far from dating, but are together by 20 in HTTYD 2. I also assume they're engaged based on Stoick's "future-daughter-in-law" line and that there are rumors of a wedding in the third movie.**

 **-Nick (ncham9)**

 **p.s. What do you guys think of these annotations? I kinda like giving an insight to what I'm thinking while writing this. Also, I'm going to make a poll sometime soon about an aspect of this story. Should Toothless speak Dragonese or not? It's up to you guys, what you want to see. I can work the story around either way. Check every once in a while for my profile to see if it's up.**


	3. In the Mood

_**Not So Fireproof on the Inside**_

Chapter 3 _In the Mood_

 **A/N: This is just a bit more shameless fluff, hence why the chapter is so short.**

Hiccup stared out over the sea as the sun crept up over the horizon, casting its magnificent visage over the sparkling, blue waters. He'd been up most of the night; unable to tear his eyes away from the constellation of stars (which he was pretty sure had a completely different name, Onion or something) until it faded out with the coming light. Still, he could only stare at the dotted figure, thinking about the story Astrid had told him. Made up or not, it did echo with certain truths, and for that he commended her. He couldn't stop exploring all the possibilities of its meanings, intentional or otherwise.

Something on his chest stirred and he glanced down at it.

His eyes came across a blonde head and a soft face turned up at him. His sleeping betrothed had a small, innocent, childlike smile on her lips. She'd wormed her hand under his leather breastplate sometime during the night and he could feel his heart beating against it. Her leg had come over his hip too, her body curling into his possessively. He marveled at the idea that his strong, fearless warrior of a fiancé had been reduced to such a cuddly, _cute_ state by him. For some reason, the concept was hilarious.

Despite his best efforts against it for the sake of her sleep, he found himself fighting back chuckles, some still managing to break free and convulse in his chest. At the undulations, the girl began to rouse, her azure eyes blinking open tiredly, as round as beautiful as he had always found them to be. They screwed themselves shut again and her hand slithered out from his armor as she gave a great, adorable yawn. Hiccup's chest juddered once more with barely hindered giggles, an almost choking sound passing through his throat. The fair-haired lass opened her eyes again, giving him a skeptical, squinting look.

"Are you laughing at me?" she questioned, a slightly annoyed tilt to her voice.

"Would you believe me if I answered 'no'?"

She punched him in the gut for it, though no matter how hard she pursed her lips, she couldn't hide her smile. Sarcastic, little prick or not, she still loved him and would give the world to wake up to his dumb smirk.

He had the audacity to laugh openly again at her violence and she took great offense at this. She furrowed her brow and glared at him.

"Oh, I'm really funny, am I?" she asked rhetorically.

"Only a lot" he teased. Her jaw set, she scowled at him, inching toward him with an outstretched hand and point fingers. His expression shifted from mocking to fearful as her digits approached. "No! Astrid, wait! I'm sor…" he pleaded, but his cries turned to squeals as her hand reached his abdomen, tickling him even through his so-called 'armor'. He realized that he hadn't considered this as a method of attack and torture, as he giggled and screamed, his legs kicking furiously in the sand.

"Astrid! Astrid stop!" he yelped as she dug her fingers into him harder, making his armpits her new target. His words didn't even register with her as she continued. She giggled with him, merciless in her barrage. His chest heaved and his face was a beet red as she was now on top of him, pinning him to the beach with no escape from her onslaught. His screams reached a new octave when her second hand joined the fray. He begged and implored for a truce, but she never let up.

That is, she didn't let up until a black tail smacked her reproachfully in the thigh. Astrid looked up at the massive reptile just above them, lying in the sand with his Nadder pal resting her head on his neck. He gave the human girl the dirtiest look a dragon could have possibly mustered.

"Oh, am I interrupting your beauty sleep, princess?" the girl asked mischievously. The dark beast huffed at her irritably, bored of the humans and their silly, pre-mating rituals. The blonde turned back to the grumpy animal's master. "Hiccup, tell your dragon to stop to stop frowning at me" she playfully commanded of her newly proclaimed beloved.

"No way! Not when he's defending me" the boy answered, reaching up to scratch Toothless' chin. He realized his mistake in leaving himself exposed and quickly snapped his elbow back against his side, screaming fearfully as Astrid had almost been able to exploit the opening, "Ah! Toothless, help!".

The beast in question grew further annoyed at their insistence on fooling around when he clearly had some very important napping to do. He grumbled to himself as he rose from his spot in the sand, shaking Stormfly off of him. Grumpily, he just stalked off a few yards away, where he plopped down again.

"He's so melodramatic" Astrid whispered. Toothless growled indignantly from his impromptu bed to show that he was not nearly as deaf as she seemed to think.

"I know" Hiccup snickered back, much quieter to not further upset his scaly friend. He was sure the dragon heard, but probably decided on just going back to sleep, rather than coming back to defend his honor. The boy looked up at his fiancé, watching her smile and giggle with him as if their entire world was found in the space between them. They gave no acknowledgement to anything besides the other, staring wistfully into each other's eyes.

He could have stayed there forever, just holding her, particularly if she was straddling his lap as she was now (the realization of which causing him to blush). His reddened face drew her attention, but with a devious smirk, she simply remained in place, even going so far as to rest more of her wait on his hips. He enjoyed her enthusiasm, especially because it was toward _having sex with him_. How crazy is that? It blew his mind still.

Alas, he knew he couldn't just lie there with her on top of him, as pleasing as it may have been. He was a chief, a new one at that, with a reputation to uphold and a name to make for himself. People were relying on him and he didn't have the option of letting them down, even if it was just to spend a little more time with his wife-to-be. He frowned to himself as he realized that the same would be true, even during their honeymoon. They were a village with rebuilding to do and problems to be had.

"Astrid…" he sighed, his somber face alerting her to the fact that something was wrong.

"Aww, come on! I'm barely even sitting on it for Thor's sake" she whined grumpily, growing tired of his rejecting her, a fact she actively not to think about too hard or for too long. His face reddened again at her assumption and his groin gave a rebellious throb at her mention. She tried not to think about _that_ either, as she was already weighing the option of holding his arms above his head and just having him as they were now, whether he wanted to or not. She decided against it, but if her linens got any damper, she'd change her answer in a heartbeat.

"Umm…that's not…I-I was going to say that…uh" his voice failed him treacherously. It seemed as though all of his body was betraying him in order to stay with Astrid. He couldn't blame it, but fought against it nonetheless. He forced his body up by his arms, urging Astrid down his legs so that she was more sitting on his knees.

"What, Hiccup?" she asked, some clear exasperation in her tone. She could sense that he was trying to say something important, something she probably wasn't going to like, and as much as she adored his cute nervous stutter, she wished he'd just spit it out. He sighed.

"Astrid, we should get going. I'm sure that there's a never ending list of stuff for me to do and that's assuming everyone hasn't burnt the village to the ground in the time we've been gone" he admitted regretfully, though it didn't stop his sarcastic mouth. It sure as Hel wasn't like he actually _wanted_ to go, just knew all too well that he had to.

"No" she defiantly replied.

"What?"

"I said 'no' " she repeated, as though he were a particularly daft child. She explained further, "This is the longest continuous time I've gotten to spend with you in a month. You owe me at least until sundown".

"You know I can't…"

She finished his sentence for him, "…do anything except stay here with your future spouse. Yes, I agree". He raised an eyebrow challengingly at her, but she only returned a confident, unmoving expression. She wasn't negotiating this, she was _telling_ him. She'd also already proved that she could keep him there indefinitely with just a few tickles. It couldn't be that much harder when she actually applied herself.

"And if I don't?"

Reaching to her double-bitted axe **(1)** , half buried in the sand by their tussle, and spinning it in her hand, she answered, "I think you'll find that's not one of your options". He may be the chief and she may soon be his wife, but as sure as Freya has nice tits, she was going to be wearing the pants in the marriage.

 **A/N: Please review. Fyi, when I mentioned a poll last chapter, I felt like I should have explained more. Toothless will either be as he is now, sentient and pretty surely understanding Norse, or becoming able to actually communicate with Hiccup through telepathy or dragonese. I want to know which of the three options you guys would prefer, as I have no partiality towards any of them.**

 **(1). "Double-bitted" refers to the two blades on either side of the head of her axe. In true terminology, these are called bits, not blades and definitely not heads as an axe can only have one of those. I know a decent bit about historical weapons, armor, and the creation of such, so I'm hoping to be able to interject some of that into this.**

 **-Nick (ncham9)**


	4. Breaking Point

_**Not So Fireproof on the Inside**_

Chapter 4 _Breaking Point_

 **A/N: Surprisingly, I do have anything to say before the chapter so…I guess…here ya go?**

Dull _clangs_ rang through the village in the early hours of the morning. The sun had been shining over the horizon for a little while now, but most Berkians were just leaving their homes or emerging from the great hall. Hiccup had long since been up, unable to get a lick of sleep with all that consumed his mind. Graciously, he'd waited to get to work in the smithy until more people would have already been up.

He pounded on a luminescent ingot of metal, the bright orange glow denoting its heat. He was wailing on it harder than he really needed to, but he usually did that when he needed to vent. He took out his pent up aggression on the metal, unable to describe the catharsis that just being able to beat the Odin-loving piss out of something offered. He figured he might as well get some work done too, instead of running the risk of bludgeoning _someone_ instead of _something_.

Toothless had gone back to the Haddock's hall not long ago, tired of his companion's incessant noise. Hiccup couldn't blame him. He'd had kept the dragon up with him for most of the night anyway. The big baby deserved a nap, he figured.

He'd stayed awake himself for most of the evening through to now, frustrated and upset with most aspects of his miserable life. He'd sat on the edge of a cliff, overlooking the entirety of Berk proper, swinging his good leg over the edge. Toothless snored behind him, the beast's scaly side supporting his friend's back. The soft, slumbering rumbles that reverberated through the dragon's body soothed the boy, almost like a purring kitten. It did nothing to calm his turbulent mind, though.

 _Clang._

It'd been a long day, making up for time lost with Astrid. He'd had to deal with Spitelout's ranting about how a chief has to put the village before himself, that he shouldn't have allowed for Berk to be left without leadership for a whole day. As if that poor excuse of a man had any idea of what it was like…

He'd also dealt with likewise impatient townspeople, all clamoring for his attention. Hoark was riled up about some nails and timber going missing the previous night, both in short supply with all the rebuilding. Bucket and Mulch were arguing about some incident with one of them falling off of a ladder because the other one may or may not have been holding it (he couldn't remember which one did what due to the lack of attention he gave the issue). He also had to deal with Silent Sven angrily signaling something with his hands that no one understood, making him even angrier.

 _Clang!_

The village had been much more peaceful then, everyone settled down into their homes. The craziness of Berk had died down for the night. Faint candle light seeped out of some of the houses' windows, along with the few moving torches of sentries and the far-off glow of the statuesque braziers. The sparse illumination did nothing to undermine the array of stars above the halls and shops. He could still see their beautiful arrangements, though one had caught his interest, the one Astrid had spoken to him about; Stjörnu. The name hadn't left his mind since he heard it. He thought about the message of her story.

 _The best leader doesn't have to be the strongest one, just the one that would give the most._

Well, Hiccup sure wasn't the strongest Berk had ever had. In fact, he might have actually been the weakest, probably by a wide margin too. Though he had eventually come to accept that fact, Hiccup used to think he could make up for his lack of brawn with his mental strength. He thought that the few good qualities he could see in himself might make him at least a passable leader. He was persistent, cared for others, exhausted all means to find a peaceful answer if possible, and even when it wasn't, he was cunning enough to come up with something to minimize losses to Midgard. None of that could really help him if no one took the time to listen to him, though.

 _Clang!_

At one point, he had leaned more of his weight back into his dragon, who accommodated him graciously, and sighed deeply. He crossed his arms which made him feel a little better about the stiff cold of the autumn night. The shared body heat helped as well. He was preparing himself to stay out for a while in quiet thought; a pleasure that no person who was unfamiliar with a chief's anxieties could exactly understand.

Berk needed another Stoick desperately; a strong, commanding leader to help them out of these times of strife. Hiccup asked himself what Stoick was probably thinking as he looked down at his son from his seat at the infinitely long table in Valhalla. He was probably disappointed, maybe frustrated with how his son seemed to make the wrong turn at every juncture. He may have wished he had trained him more or possibly that he had given the throne to someone else, someone who wouldn't lead the tribe to ruin.

 _Clang!_

Hiccup had then looked to the stars once more, hoping to find some sign of his father, some message from him that would tell the boy what to do, because he had no idea. He couldn't do this anymore. He wasn't wired the same way a chief was. Maybe, just maybe, he could be ready for this one day, but it certainly wasn't now, when he was just a weak boy in his early twenties who still had a father to grieve.

Instead of Stoick, all that the lad was able to see among the heavens was that dumb constellation that he couldn't let escape his mind.

His next hammer-stroke spawned a completely different sound to the distinct, metallic one he had been expecting. Spark and bits of iron skittered across the room, all shooting off from one of three shattered pieces of what used to be one solid bar of metal. The hammer bounced away from the fragments, wrenching his hand slightly, and the shock transmitted painfully into his hand. He winced as he looked at the failed attempt at forging **(1)**. He grunted a colorful obscenity at the offending metal.

"If I didn't know better, I'da thought the thing slept wit' yer sister" a thickly accented voice called out from behind him. Upon hearing it, Hiccup tensed, but, recognizing the voice, he groaned and sagged his shoulders.

"How long have you been standing there, Gobber?" he sighed weightily.

"Long enough to watch yer little vendetta against the metal" the old smith snarked back, taking a step forward from the far wall behind Hiccup, from where he had been watching the apprentice. Well, 'apprentice' was a bit dubious of a word to describe him. The boy he'd half-raised was becoming old enough to be his partner rather than pupil, a particularly proud thought in the man's eyes.

"Just a little tense, I guess" Hiccup answered the unaired question, rolling his shoulders and sorting out the mess he'd made of little, now dull red fragments. He'd have to weld them back together and start over, but at this point, he couldn't care less. He'd work all day in the forge if it meant he didn't have to go out and act like a chief.

"Ye know…" Gobber began with a distant smile, a wistful thought to come, "…I used to let yer father in here ev'ry blue moon to hit some steel". Perhaps he shouldn't have brought Stoick up, but if the way Hiccup turned and smiled at him pleasantly, if sadly, was anything to go by, then he hadn't made much of a mistake.

Hiccup found himself huffing a small chuckle at imagining his dad, a bit younger but just as short-tempered, being as frustrated at his son was right then, and pounding on an axe-blade to make himself feel better. Maybe it was funny to him because of how easily he could imagine that man doing just that. He'd known that his father and the master smith had been lifelong friends and he imagined that's why his apprenticeship had developed into something much more.

Gobber went to a wooden hook on the wall to retrieve and don his apron and get his forge hammer hand. On his way, he postulated "Now, I'da thought that ye'd be a little more chipper after yer rendezvous wit' Astrid". Because the boy was facing away from him, he couldn't see the deep crimson flush on the lad's face. Receiving no answer, he skeptically added "Unless…somethin happened wit' her?".

"What?! No!" Hiccup whirled around and now the older smith could see the blush. He snorted at the reaction.

"Ah, so yer little tryst went alright, then?" the witty man jibed back.

"It was _not_ a tryst" Hiccup asserted.

"And what would ye call running off to bump uglies wit' yer fiancé if _not_ a tryst?" Gobber laughed to himself, reveling in the horrified look on Hiccup's face before the boy turned around to grab his re-forged metal out of the furnace. Perhaps the older smith felt a smidgeon of guilt, but it was far overshadowed by his own entertainment. He patiently waited for his apprentice to respond.

"That did _not_ happen" Hiccup said humorlessly, an even tone escaping his lips and the frown that had been on them earlier returning. This concerned his surrogate uncle greatly. If something happened with Astrid, not only would he be sympathetic, but Hiccup would be mopey, miserable, and insufferable for a long time after. Gobber wasn't going to willing deal with _that_ again.

"Oh, what did ye say to the poor lass now?" Gobber accused him nonchalantly, even going so far as to roll his eyes. He knew of the boy's trouble with keeping his mouth shut when he really needed to and this wouldn't have been the first time he'd have to advise the boy on his woman. Hiccup scowled over his shoulder before quickly returning to his work.

"Nothing. Everything is fine" he grumbled, half-annoyed by the insinuation and still half-cross about everything else.

"Well, I assume it wasn't fer lack of tryin…"

Hiccup huffed another small laugh that didn't break his frown. "No…not on her part" he answered slowly, trying to reveal as little as possible.

"Yer not mutton-headed enough t' tell her 'no', are ye?" the old man asked rhetorically. Hiccup stilled, continuing to look away, which, after years of working together, was response enough. Gobber had thought that he'd taught him better. He groaned, "Aww, Hiccup! What have I told ye about when a woman offers ye her bed?".

"Far… _far_ too much" the boy answered, shivering at his memories of terribly awkward and almost painful conversations from when he was a young teen, which usually left him more confused than before they started.

"And yet ye still didn't listen"

"Gobber…" the boy sighed, draining the mirth from his teacher's voice. He turned slightly to see the man's face, now more serious than it had been. He continued, "I wasn't going to…just…not now, I mean. Not with everything going on and how stressed I am and…that's not how it's supposed to be. Well, nothing right now is how it's supposed to be, but that's not how I was going to _let it_ be". His face conveyed an unarguable gravity, one that had been there for a little over a month now. In the smith's eyes, he was on his way to becoming a man, one who worked too hard and worried too much, was sometimes clumsy and otherwise a bit of an idiot, but a man nonetheless. And this prospective man was hurting.

"I rather think ye could use a good lay"

Hiccup smirked, though inwardly he held no jollity. "I really hope that wasn't an offer…" he jabbed playfully. A loud, bellowing laugh erupted from the smith as he threw a rag at the boy.

"At least ye still have yer sense a humor"

Hiccup didn't really feel like correcting him on that point. It wasn't worth it. Gobber was one of the people on this island whom Hiccup especially cared for, the top of the list being him, Stoick (whom he'd be damned if he didn't include), his mother, and a special place for Astrid. The old Viking had half-raised him and had patiently and carefully taught him one of the greatest pleasures of his life, smithing. He'd taught him to have some confidence in himself, even if only the slightest bit and exclusively limited to his work.

The man was family and a particularly integral part of it as well. Without him, Hiccup would have been a completely different boy; that is, if he hadn't gotten himself killed with all the free time he would have had. All of which is why he couldn't stand to be hurting him, like he was everyone else on Berk. He was bringing shame to the tribe, to the role of chief, unable to even control his people for a day. They deserved better than him, someone who could actually do the job, someone who wasn't leading them to ruin.

He couldn't stand to hurt them any longer…especially Astrid.

* * *

"Hiccup, what's this about?" Valka asked, more than a hint of concern evident in her voice. Aside from the first time he had taken her to see him work (as she had so painfully missed that for the last 20 years), he had never asked her down to the forge, let alone in the middle of the night. She was sure that the moon itself wasn't present in the sky because it was too tired tonight. Still, her boy seemed more troubled and upset than usual.

He sat on the edge of a worktable, swinging his feet idly and looking at some of his wares. She knew something was very wrong instantly. Hiccup was a lot of things, but unfocused wasn't one of them. She wasn't just going to let him sit there silently for much longer. Eventually, he looked up to her and Gobber (who had also been asked to stay for this meeting under pretense of 'something important' that needed to be said).

"Mom…I can't do this" he murmured quietly and he felt as if he was once again a small child, ready to face the disappointment of aparent. He watched the man who practically raised him and the woman that should have with exhausted eyes, aging him beyond his years in the low candlelight.

"What do you mean? Do what?"

"He's talkin about bein a chief" Gobber interjected. Though he hadn't been told specifically what they were going to be discussing, he had gathered a good bit from Hiccup's terse responses throughout the day. Valka stared at him curiously and felt a little out of the loop of what was to come, though the smith truthfully hadn't much of a clue either.

She looked back to her son with a confused expression, which he met placidly. He nodded to confirm Gobber's assumption.

"Hiccup, it's never _easy_. You just have to learn, get used to it" she tried to reassure him, her tone so laden with softness and concern that only a mother could produce it.

"I can't" he responded simply.

"Sure you can. Do you think that you're the first to need a little time to adjust? We all know your father did"

"And I might have had time to do that if Berk wasn't in complete disarray at the moment" he grumbled petulantly, though he seemed more angry at himself and the circumstance than any of the two he'd entreated to talk with him. His mother's face took on subtle a mask of sadness. It made something twinge in his chest, so he changed his attitude, the whole reason of this conversation being to keep that from happening. "Maybe dad could have been able to manage it, but I'm not him. I don't think I ever realized how great of a chief he was. Any time that I spend making mistakes or being second guessed…it's time wasted" he said, a lump forming in his throat that was becoming very hard to speak around.

"You just have to wait and see" she offered gently.

"I have waited!" he barked as he jumped off the table. He didn't want to yell at his mother, but he couldn't stand not being listened to any longer. All his life, almost everyone had been doing just that.

"Not but a month!" his mother shot back, though not quite as forcefully as her son. She was only loud enough to make her point. She watched Hiccup's hard, stony face, something that was almost uncomfortably similar to many looks her husband had born. She considered him seriously, trying to take in his words as if he were a man, because she had squandered her opportunity to talk to him like a boy. "Hiccup, what are you trying to say?" she asked, her wealth of patience allowing her to keep her speech easy.

He looked away when she aired her question. He was ashamed of himself, ashamed of the weakness that his decision showed. He knew it was best for Berk, but that still didn't prepare him to brand himself a failure to his mother and one of his closest friends. After a moment of silence, Gobber spoke.

"I think…" the smith started pensively "I think he _really_ means he can't". He examined his apprentice who simply sighed greatly as he stared at the floor.

Quietly, Hiccup admitted "I'm leaving".

"What do you…"

"… _Berk_. I'm leaving Berk. I'm not going to sit on a throne while I watch everyone suffer under my rule. I'm abdicating and then taking off" he clarified, interrupting his mother and eventually gaining enough courage to look them both in the eyes while he told them he was running away like a coward. He watched the horrified look on Valka's face and the almost unsurprised, but still speechless one on Gobber's. It took a few moments that felt like hours for either to respond, but Hiccup waited.

"What about Astrid? What does she think of this?" Valka asked, barely containing the water brimming her eyes.

"She doesn't know…" Hiccup said coldly, his face returning from the guilty look to a much sterner one, "…and you can't tell her. Not until I'm gone".

"She's goin t' be yer wife! The girl deserves to know" Gobber scolded him loudly. For all the man's talk of sweeping women off their feet in his youth, he was actually quite the gentleman. He'd raised Hiccup to have his own chivalrous code, which they both well understood this was breaking. It was Hiccup's turn to have a surplus of moisture around his eyes, but tears didn't fall.

"I'm calling off the wedding" he told them resolutely, though it felt like it was twisting the dagger already embedded in his heart.

"Hiccup…" Valka gasped. She knew that what the girl had meant to him and that he wasn't doing this lightly.

"I'm leaving Berk for longer than I know and I'm only coming back if I can actually do my duty. I-If…if they'll let me. Until then, my duty is leave, before I can cause any more damage. She doesn't deserve to have me kiting her along for years on end when I don't even know if I'll ever return"

"Then take her wit' ye" Gobber interrupted, his face showing that he shared in the same heart-break as well.

"No" Hiccup responded firmly, his voice brokering absolutely no argument, "She'll stay on Berk. She'll have a life here, a happy one. Maybe…maybe she'll find someone else and have a family. She'll be safe and not wasting her years with me on some gods-forsaken trip to nowhere!". The more he said of it, the more it pained him, at this point feeling like he was run through once more with every word. Still, he wouldn't change his resolve.

"You know she doesn't want that!" his mother yelled at him, now with her cheeks stained with tears. Hiccup could see that her hands were balled into fists. She probably wanted to slap him, and he didn't blame her, because he kind of did too.

"I know. Astrid…she won't want to now, but hopefully she'll realize that it's for the best"

"Then why not tell her?" his mother questioned him again and he winced at her yelling. The last thing he needed was for the person in question to hear them and come barging into the forge and probably cleave his head off his shoulders. He entreated Valka with his hands that she might lower her voice to keep this private conversation _private_.

"If I did, we both know she'd come after me. This way, I'll be long gone by the time she realizes" he asserted quietly, still trying to coax his mother to do the same. He softened after a great sigh and continued, "I know you're quite fond of Astrid, mom. And I know you've noticed how much I care for her too". He could see the way she understood that much in her eyes. "So if _you_ loved someone that much, wouldn't you give everything up for them? To _save_ them? I'm willing to if it means that she'll at least _have_ a future…even if it isn't with me" he confessed. Suddenly he was out of words. His point had been made and he could further it no more. If he added anything else, it would just dilute it.

She took a few seconds to silently consider him. All the while, Gobber watched them, taking in every detail of this straining relationship. He admired the boy for how much he loved his mother too, even though he'd hardly known her. He was just so caring that way.

Eventually, after having collected herself, Valka nodded and said in a choked voice "You know I can't say I wouldn't. I did the same for you so many years ago". She stepped closer to him to cup his cheek in her palm and a single stream fell from his lashes to be tenderly wiped away with her thumb. Hiccup leaned into her touch. Twenty years of absence or no, he would always be her son.

Hiccup managed to look into her dark green eyes once more to see the sadness in them, before she pulled away. She gave him a quick hug and then turned towards the door. As she walked away, the silence of the room following her, she said over her shoulder "Just know...I never stopped regretting the day I left you". With that, she opened the door, stepped through, and closed it behind herself, walking out into the dark of night.

Hearing her retreating footsteps, Hiccup turned back to Gobber, who had witnessed all of the transaction. Hiccup again felt like an admonished child under his watchful gaze. The smith took the opportunity to place a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"I can nae say I agree wit' ye, but ne'er can I say I have a place t' argue"

Hiccup nodded solemnly and looked back to the door through which his mother had gone.

"Do you think she'll tell her?" he asked despondently, knowing that no one was going to come out of this decision unscathed for at least the time being, but he had the hope that Berk and it's people would be better off in the end.

"I don't know...but she is _yer_ mother first, not Astrid's" the smith answered. Hiccup nodded once more and turned back to his mentor.

"I'm doing this for you" the boy said, meaning the whole of the island.

"I know ye _think_ that, at least" the older man quipped. Hiccup thought for a moment, but then, he again nodded sadly. Gobber continued, "I still think ye should tell her, but yer a man now and it's yer decision". He was at least agreeable, if stubborn.

"Thank you" the youth said, receiving another pat on the shoulder, "…but there's one more thing". He got a wary look in return, but muscled through it "Mom's going to be next in line to lead…and I don't have any right to ask this of you, but…"

"I'll help her best I can" Gobber interrupted. Hiccup managed a small smile for the smith's benefit, but he was only shooed "Now get goin. Ye need t' get ready if yer leavin before sunrise".

Hiccup agreed and left soon after, though not before he gave his friend a big, lasting hug, knowing that it might have been the last.

 **A/N: Good? Bad? I honestly don't even know anymore. I thought it was alright, though a ton of you will be pretty upset. Hiccstrid is going to take a back seat for a while, but it will come back into play later on. Just have faith.**

 **(1). In reference to the crumbling piece of metal, believe it or not, this is not that difficult to do accidentally. Smithing requires some finesse. I won't bore you with the complex chemistry of it, but if you simply pound on the metal, even with just the force of your arm, you can actually shatter it. Until it's tempered, heat-treated, and cooled, it can be fairly brittle.**

 **-Nick (ncham9)**


	5. Taking a Stab at it

_**Not So Fireproof on the Inside**_

Chapter 5 _Taking a Stab at It_

 **A/N: If you're OTP gland isn't very strong, do not read this. It just might break it.**

Hiccup felt nothing but the steady push of wind against his front and the beating of wide, leathery wings on either side of him, not at all one of the relaxing, awe-inspiring flights he was used to. Instead, the young rider felt empty, like he'd left a larger part of himself behind. He didn't even consider turning back, though. He couldn't. He steadfastly carried on, devout in his convictions.

He sensed that Toothless had huffed beneath him. The dragon had been in a sour mood since Hiccup began loading small cargo onto his saddle. It wasn't entirely because the Night Fury was indignant at being likened to a beast of burden, but rather, because he understood that they would be leaving their home for some (seemingly long) amount of time. Also, if his boy's mood was anything to go by, then this wasn't just a simple vacation. Worse still, he had noticed that none of his friends of his own species had come along, particularly that blue Nadder, the company of whom he quite enjoyed.

So of course Toothless was a little upset, but he didn't take his duty to his rider lightly and obliged nonetheless. Hiccup had scarcely led him astray before and the dragon was content to carry his friend anywhere, so long as he was allowed to follow along and there was a hefty payment of chin-scratches and cod.

Hiccup, however, was not so ready to accept this new migratory reality that had befallen him. Sure, Berk had been the dragon's home too, but not nearly as long as it had been his and he was sure that it didn't have the same sentimental value. Toothless lost his cozy house, the easily accessible fish, the abundance of people around to pet him, and perhaps a few buddies. But Hiccup had lost everything, save his best friend and the few possessions the two were hauling. He was losing the home he grew up in, the friends he grew up with, and most importantly, the woman he loved more than anything.

Astrid was the crux of his pain at the moment. She would probably hate him and he honestly hoped so. He hoped that rather than wasting her time waiting for him to come back, she wished to never see him again, at least for long enough until she forgot about him entirely.

Truth be told, he didn't think he would ever go back. He said he'd not return until he could fulfill his role, and he meant it, but he had no confidence that the day would ever come. He had prepared himself as best he could to leave Berk for the rest of his life. He'd only said such things because Gobber and his mother would never have let him go otherwise.

He'd made his peace, but that still didn't make it easy on him, especially where Astrid was concerned.

He loved Astrid; truly, deeply loved her, more than he had anything else in his entire life, except maybe Toothless and his father. He tried to reassure himself by again thinking over how he was doing this _because_ he loved her, _because_ he wanted her to have a full life that he wouldn't drive to disaster. He had no idea where he was going, what he was trying to find, or what he'd do if he found it. He wasn't about to drag her around the world to fall off the edge of the map.

He was sure that if Berk was under his lead for much longer, it would come to poverty and ruin. His people would starve and be forced to turn to violent savages. He'd die before he watched that happen.

Still, he knew she wouldn't see it that way. She might curse him, maybe never forgive him if she ever even did see again, which with any luck, she wouldn't think was a possibility. Still, he would always love her and he asked that Freya at least grant him that he would never forget her face.

* * *

The sick, boding feeling in Astrid's stomach was growing uncomfortable.

She swore profusely, though it was swallowed by the rushing air around her. Stormfly beat her wings furiously to propel them as fast as possible. What they were chasing could by far outrun them with little effort, so her only hope was that her prey went at a leisurely pace.

Her day had started out fantastic. She woke up pleasantly, an early morning start to her day. The sky was clear and the weather pleasant. It would have been a pleasant day to go out for a long flight. She'd thought that she might have even been able to steal Hiccup for a little while to do the same.

She'd mounted her dragon for a nice stretch of the wings. It had been nice too; all calm winds and peaceful silence. She had enjoyed herself, simply sharing some alone time with her scaly companion, a rarity among the busy skies of Berk. Such was the advantage of an early rising.

It was only when she had landed that her day had taken a turn for the devastating. She'd thought nothing of the quickly retreating black dot that had left as soon as she got close to the village. She'd just assumed her betrothed and his dragon had gone to map some island or another, as they often did. But when she touched down, she almost immediately realized something was amiss when so many seemingly pitying gazes came her way. She thought them odd, but nothing more as she passed by, shooting questioning glares at some who seemed to mouth "I'm sorry."

Of course, Vikings tend to have an aversion to speaking outright of such emotional topics, but most didn't even want to come near _this_ Viking girl in particular, once she found out.

As she passed more people and they gave her vague condolence, she figured that she ought to head over toward the forge. Gobber typically had a pretty good idea about what was going on in Hiccup's mind. She decided she had better ask him about it.

By Thor was she right.

She was a blur of getting provisions and strapping them to her dragon after that. Gobber had told her of Hiccup's ill-advised plan and she started bolting about to get ready to give chase. Thankfully, she always had a couple of packs, ready to go for any emergency. Such was the life to which she was accustomed after years of Screaming Death attacks and Berserker invasions. She'd hardly said goodbye to her parents before she was off the ground, though they seemed to be advocating that she not go after him for more reasons than just parental concern for her safety. She ignored her suspicions and took to the sky.

She had to catch up to him and she felt a little sorry for Stormfly, working so hard to reach the Night Fury. They had often trained for things like this, both rider and dragon doing to the most to keep in top physical condition. So while she was sympathetic toward the Nadder, she had more than enough confidence that her girl could do it.

And she did, after a couple of hours.

The sun was higher in the sky over the grey, northern waters. Its rays warmed her despite the cold of the altitude and the wind. Astrid leaned down into Stormfly from atop her, trying to share some of the warmth. Despite being cold blooded, the dragons were still big, fire-breathing lizards and they threw their body heat pretty gamely. The Viking girl appreciated her blue beastie for her many uses, the highest of which being a deep, deep friendship.

Although, her sense of smell as a Tracker Class dragon was _really_ coming in handy.

After a few rapid inhales to gather the information provided by the wind, Stormfly dipped downward toward a fairly large sea-stack. Astrid, having learned to trust the Nadder completely, simply leaned into the saddle and held the horn at the center of it tighter. They dove in a mild descent toward the stone outcropping. As they approached, the rider began to focus on a black smudge on the greenery atop it. _Toothless_. Astrid gave Stormfly a pat on the neck as reward for her quick work, though she knew that she had incurred at least a trout-sized debt.

Bird-like dragon feet were on the moss-covered rock a few moments later, and fur-trimmed boots hit the stone ground. Only a few feet away, a boy was snoozing against his Night Fury in a way that well conveyed exhaustion. The noise of the landing had roused the slumbering beast, but upon recognizing the dragon and her rider, he bolted up and toward them, almost throwing off the russet-haired trainer.

* * *

"Mmph…Toothless, _why_?" Hiccup groaned tiredly as his back hit the ground roughly. His mild annoyance at being woken was clearly evident in his hoarse voice. He rubbed his eyes with his forearm while he used the other to prop himself up. After cajoling his upset, baggy eyes, he took his arm away to glare at his dragon, but instead found a certain blonde girl staring back with her arms crossed, giving him a wry look.

He tried to push the thought out of his mind that she looked amazing in her blue legging leggings, armored skirt, and red tunic. _Gods_ , how he loved that tunic on her. He was quickly able to his suppress his admiration with alarm soon after.

"As-Astrid! What are you doing here?" he almost yelped, scurrying to his feet. This was not at all how his plan was supposed to go. He was supposed to be long gone before she realized. There was supposed to be no way that she could follow him. But of course she had. He hadn't taken into account her sheer… _Astridness_.

He knew it had been a mistake to stop for a rest, but he'd been up all night and was so tired. It served him right for being weak.

"I could ask you the same question, _babe,"_ she shot back sarcastically. She walked over to him with a teasing smile on her face which was not nearly as furious as he had been expecting. Someone had clearly told her something about his leaving. He began to wonder just how much she knew, however. It was probably Blabbermouth the Belch, that smithing traitor.

"How'd you find me?" he asked cautiously.

"Gobber…" ( _of course)_ "…he told me you left, so Stormfly and I were tracking you down a few minutes later". A smug grin was twisting was twisting at her lips as she said "So…where are we going?"

He knew this was going to be tough.

"Astrid, no…" he began, only to be readily interrupted.

"What do you mean 'no'? You couldn't actually have been thinking that you could just sneak off without me finding out, could you? I'd have thought you were smarter than that," she teased him, poking a finger into a softer portion of his leathers at his side. He recoiled sharply and covered the 'wound', but gave her a hard look.

"Please, stop…"

"Wuss **(1)** ," she admonished him with a merry smile. "Now, do you need to go and finish your nap over there or are we ready to go?"

"You can't come with me," he interjected sharply. He fought to keep his face placid and serious despite the pain that seemed to creep through. He winced without looking at her, squeezing his eyes shut. He couldn't look at her face while he said this. He could barely say this at all. After a moment of terrifyingly non-violent silence, he cautiously peeked at her.

She only stood there blinking at him for a moment as her face fell. She was confused; he could tell that much. She watched him scrupulously, trying to see reason where there didn't seem to be any. He suddenly wished he had something to do with his hands.

"Hiccup…what's wrong?" she asked, her voice taking on a gentle but curious quality. Ever to the point, she was, and so remarkably bright. She _knew_ him, far beyond the meager comprehension had by his friends and fellow villagers. Astrid understood him, so well that it often seemed as though she could peer into his brain and see his thoughts forming before they were aired. It made something inside him wrench just a little more.

How would he tell her this? How could he? Astrid was a strong girl, that much was obvious, but it had taken him almost 20 years of continuous (albeit largely ineffective) trying to get her to let down her defenses. She trusted him, with more than just her safety. She showed him all of herself, the parts she hid away to protect her from the cold, harsh world Vikings were accustomed to. She was strong, but she might not be _this_ strong.

There was no way to go about this that wouldn't hurt her. As with seemingly every other situation in the young chief's life, there was no winning. His only hope was to minimize damage, to hope that he didn't truly break her. Because he could as well. She had given him such a piece of herself that he could leave the rest of the whole wanting forever. He had that power, but now he wished he could give it back.

Though every muscular fiber tried to deny him, Hiccup willed his eyes to meet hers, now more grave and determined than ever. He was still going to protect her, even if it meant hurting her now.

"Astrid…" he said, barely above a whisper, looking at her and pleading for her to listen, "I'm leaving Berk, probably forever, and you _cannot_ come with me". He tried to be resolute. He tried to be clear and concise and all the things he needed to be if he wanted her to believe him. And he desperately needed her to believe him.

"What do you mean I can't come? Of course I'm coming," she responded defiantly. Her tone had regained some of its energy and she sounded understandably a bit peeved at the moment. He had just slighted her, it would seem; told her that he either didn't think her worthy enough to join or _trust_ worthy enough.

"You need to go home, back to Berk," he said sternly, though there was a slight waver in his voice as he realized he couldn't call Berk 'home' anymore. He pushed that thought aside for later.

"Then you're coming back with me," she announced, matching him in firmness.

"No, _you're_ going back to Berk and _I'm_ going away…as far as I can get," he answered. He hadn't meant it to sound like such a command, but he could sense the conversation heating up gradually and hadn't been able to stop himself.

"Stop ordering me around like a child," she seethed dangerously and rightfully so. Before he could backtrack, she continued "You either come home with me or you leave with me, but doing one and _telling me_ to do the other isn't one of your choices."

"Astrid…"

"No, don't 'Astrid' me! You won't tell me what's going on, you won't tell me where you're going, and you just expect me to kick rocks and let you leave?! Maybe after these past months as a chief, you've confused the two, but I'm your promised, _not your_ _subject!_ " she growled at him, pointing an irate finger at his chest and stepping close enough that he could begin to see the fury rising from her neck and into her face.

He looked despondently at the ground and quietly said, "Astrid...".

"Hiccup, I swear by the gods; if you say my name like that one more time, I'll split you from neck to navel!"

"…you're not my promised anymore" he muttered timidly, struggling to get a word in edgewise between her ranting and his own reluctance to say it. His life flashed before his eyes for a short while as her face changed from furious to confused for a moment while she dissected his words in her mind.

"What do you…"

"We're not engaged anymore" he croaked sadly, trying desperately to keep her from talking, because he knew it would pulverize his already crumbling heart, "I talked to your father this morning. I'm releasing you from our contract". He closed his eyes so he didn't have to watch his own betrayal come over her face.

He didn't know a fist was hurtling toward his face until it hit him squarely on the cheek.

"How could you?!" she shrieked and he forced himself to believe the crack in her voice was from the volume and anger in it, though he knew better.

"I'm sorry, but…" he began, frantically trying to say something, he didn't know what, but _anything_ to try and minimize the pain he knew he had just dealt her. His face was throbbing but he could in no way blame her for it. He'd have done far worse to himself in her place.

"Don't you dare tell me you're sorry! You couldn't possibly be saying any of this to me if you were 'sorry' " she was yelling now, but he could see the hurt behind her words and the way her eyes had livid tears just starting to fall onto her cheeks. He tried to speak up again, but she interrupted "Shut! Up! I can't believe you. Stupid me for actually thinking you meant it when you told me you loved me!".

That…that hurt. A lot, as in more than he could describe. He'd rather have lost his other leg. He held back his wince and the sob trying to choke him. It was hard to breathe for a few moments as he looked at her, fuming and furious and breaking on the inside. He pushed through it, remembering why he was doing this, why he was putting a knife in her back and another in his chest. He _would_ actually lose his good leg if it meant saving her.

"I-I…no, you're right…I guess I don't" he forced from his throat weakly. He couldn't meet her eyes as he said it, as he lied to her through his teeth. He _had_ meant it, meant it more than anything. Going back on those words left a deep wound in him, one that would scar over but never go away.

Those simple sentences seemed to have really struck Astrid. She almost recoiled just at the sound of them and gasped subtly. He realized he'd done it, he'd broken her. He watched her sadness, her pain, and her anger all turn into _hatred_.

She called to her dragon, who had stopped playing some time ago to cautiously observe unfolding quarrel along with Toothless. Astrid climbed atop Stormfly quickly and took off after leaving Hiccup with one last injured, but hateful glance. With that being the last goodbye she'd give him, they sped away as fast as they could, back towards Berk, probably wishing him a torturous death all the way, which he justly deserved.

Hiccup had completed his task with her, but felt no sense of success to speak of. He stared at the retreating form for minutes after, until it shrunk out of view. Once he could no longer see them, he turned back to his own dragon to find the beast in question scowling at him.

"Come on, bud" he said faintly, drained like he had torn the only remaining piece of himself out and cast it away. He moved toward him to mount up, but Toothless refused to let him on.

The Night Fury growled lowly and his eyes narrowed. He butted his head against his rider's chest, almost knocking him off his feet. When he watched Hiccup stumbled back, he nodded toward the direction of the departed females pointedly and stamped his foot onto the stone.

"I know, alright? I fucked up, I get it. Now let's just go" the boy agreed tiredly, but received only another glare and an angry huff. "Toothless, I had to! You know I couldn't convince her to just stay behind while we're out here getting lost" he answered guiltily. He knew that he wouldn't necessarily have earned approval, but he had hoped for at least some much needed comfort from his best friend. He wasn't sure he could handle both arguments in one day.

He earned some further dragon-vocalizations, now less disdainful and more sympathetic. "I know, I lied. I was a coward and I should have talked to her before I left instead of just trying to disappear before she noticed. But I had to. She would have followed anyway and she needs to be back on Berk where she'll be safe and happy and become something great. She always belonged there and…well…we never did" *a throaty grunt* "okay… _I_ never did. Are you done? Can we go now? We're still not far enough away and it's almost sundown".

Toothless huffed once more to show how much he didn't agree, but he understood his rider's pain. He gestured toward his saddle with his head and let Hiccup get on, who murmured 'thanks' as he seated himself. He didn't spare the boy a hard slap to the face with his ear once he climbed on, however. When Hiccup simply settled back down and didn't respond, Toothless began to worry.

The only thing on Hiccup's mind was a simple, but agonizing question: _What would his father think of him now?_

 **A/N: I know, you hate me. I killed your OTP and I'm a bad, bad man. My only response is that you may leave now, as this won't be resolved quickly, or you can spread a little bit of faith over a long, long time. I'd personally prefer if you did the latter, but I won't be offended. It's not particularly pleasant for me either, but I think it makes for a good story when you eventually come to realize what I'm doing.**

 **Additionally, a reader (obviously I won't say who), commented in a guest review that Hiccup is being an ass (no argument there), but also that he is treating her like the type of man "who thinks he knows best for a woman". Now, firstly, I'd like to say that I appreciate all reviews, positive or negative, so long as they're constructive. I'd say this falls within that, although it borders ever so slightly on offensive, but I'll forgive that in this particular case, because I don't think it was intentional. Regardless, I'd like to respond to this here, because some of you may be thinking the same thing and I couldn't do it privately anyway. Hiccup is** _ **not**_ **being sexist here; at least I don't think so. I will stipulate that he is making this very important and certainly damaging choice for her, but it isn't because she's female.**

 **Hiccup cares about her deeply, loves her in fact. He's trying to protect, even if it's from herself. He doesn't want to have to say to anyone that he doesn't know or care what will happen to him, but that he intends to leave and never come back. This is kinda like a 'Hiccup runs away' AU flipped on its head. He feels as though he's disappointing everyone else and leading them to ruin, so what he wants least in the world is to be doing both of those things,** _ **especially**_ **to Astrid. He doesn't want to take her with him toward a hard life when he believes she's better off without him to begin with. It's kind of a mix between an inferiority complex and lacking self-confidence. I don't see him being content that Astrid loves** _ **him**_ **, because he didn't even think his father could. Anyway, that's my opinion and why I think it's neither sexist nor wildly out of character, but my literature (just like the rest of it) is open to interpretations, so you could call this whole thing a schizophrenic hallucination that never really happened.**

 **(1) An admiring hat tip to you, Midi.**

 **P.s. If you noticed my avatar/my pen name changing over the past couple of weeks, you can ignore it. Such is the result of a couple of slow weeks and my beta and I getting bored enough to play Truth or Dare. It's best if you just let me pretend that no one saw it.**


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